Sex and pleasure form some of the most fundamental parts of our identities – and yet, it’s still pretty taboo to really analyse our sexual desires and talk about what that means for us, and society at large. To inspire you to have more interesting conversations about identity, sex and power, we’ve put together a list of books that present big, juicy ideas to discuss. It’s less daunting to start with “I read something really interesting…” rather than launch right into a Freudian analysis of your sexual preferences over coffee!
Legitimate Sexpectations: The Power of Sex-Ed by Katrina Marson
Katrina Marson, a former sexual offences prosecutor, exposes the limits of the criminal justice system and hypocrisy of our society when it comes to sex, sexuality, and relationships. Legitimate Sexpectations explores heartbreak and hope, pushing for a cultural shift towards valuing sexual wellbeing that will help us eliminate sexual violence in the first place.
Marson outlines the role we have to play in understanding and talking about consent. The goal is to ensure everyone can expect sexual experiences that are not just free from violence, but far from violent. Get a copy here.
Desire: A Reckoning by Jessie Cole
In this memoir, Jessie Cole takes us along for the journey as she, in her late 30s, meets a man 20 years older. They become lovers. The passion and unevenness of their relationship tests her fears and anxieties.
Throughout their interstate affair (unfolding alongside the bushfires and pandemic) she learns about herself, how her initiation into womanhood shaped her, and how the shadow of family trauma still inhabits her body. This book explores the nature of desire and tells a story of vulnerability and strength, loss and regeneration. Get a copy here.
The Body Is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love by Sonya Renee Taylor
This book isn’t specifically about sex, although it does include a section about masturbation as an expression of self-love. But it makes our list because it brings forward a very important message: to experience the pleasure of sex, we have to be fully present in our bodies. And in order to be present in our bodies, we have to accept them as they are.
The Body Is Not An Apology urges us to overcome harmful thought patterns, reconnect with our inner selves and practice radical self-love. Get a copy here.
The Ethical Slut by Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton
The Ethical Slut shows readers how to maintain a successful polyamorous lifestyle through open communication, emotional honesty, and safer sex practices. The guide includes interviews with poly Millennials and takes wisdom from poly-pioneers, while also opening conversations through non-binary language about asexuality, sex workers and non-traditional relationships (including couples who don’t live together).
This book is recommended for anyone who wants to transform how they think about relationships and sex – whether you feel outside the sexual ‘norm’, you’re single or partnered, or looking to explore something new. Get a copy here.
Kink: Stories edited by R.O Kwon and Garth Greenwell
Kink is a fiery collection of 15 fictional short stories that looks into the world of desire. The stories explore love, desire, BDSM, the queer experience and sexual kinks, revealing the beauty of life that exists across the sexual spectrum.
In the story ‘Oh, Youth’ by Brandon Taylor, a wealthy white couple hire a young Black man to live with and entertain them; in Zeyn Joukhadar’s ‘Reach’, a neighbour spies on a trans couple, in angry denial of his own desire. The stories are as kinky, spicy and thought-provoking as you would expect. Get a copy here.
Three Women by Lisa Taddeo
The book stories the sexual and emotional lives of three women from different backgrounds and regions of the United States. Lina, a mother in suburban Indiana whose sexual assault experience disrupts the course of her life; Maggie, a seventeen-year-old high school student in North Dakota who becomes entangled in an affair with her married English teacher; and Sloane, a successful restaurant owner in the Northeast whose husband likes to watch her have sex with other people.
Taddeo spent eight years writing the book, driving across the country six times to embed herself in the lives of the three women. The book examines women control their own impulses to the point of detachment, and the journey to regain desire. Get a copy here.
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