We’ve made it! It’s finally the season of pushing your problems to the New Year (if you can) in favour of spending quality time with the people you love. It’s an exciting time, but you’re not alone if the prospect of reconnecting with people feels a little daunting. Whether it’s seeing friends in your hometown for the first time in a couple of years, or trying to make new friends, the older you get the more awkward it can feel. These are our favourite tips for strengthening your friendship circle this summer:
1. Realise you’re not alone… we’re all scared!
These past few years in the pandemic have caused each and every one of us to re-discover and reflect on ourselves, and re-focus on the life we want to live. If you feel like you’ve changed and you’re worried about how that may be received… that’s ok! Embrace the idea that, actually, we’re all scared shitless about being vulnerable enough to nurture real friendships. It’s the great equalizer – take comfort in the fact that we’re all in the same boat when it comes to getting out there.
2. Strengthen existing relationships
If you haven’t been socialising much, meeting a whole bunch of new people can feel overwhelming. Try starting small first. A few ways you can do that:
- Accept invitations to go out: If you have a tendency to say no to unexpected invitations, consider gently breaking that habit. Staying home has been a norm and somewhat of a comfort zone for the past few years, but saying no if you’re invited out does limit your social circles. If you want to have more friends, you have to step out of your comfort zone and the easiest way to do that is by just saying “yes.”
- Reach out to acquaintances: Drop a friendly text or DM to that hi-bye friend from years ago. If the reply is warm, follow it up with an invite to catch up – something simple like getting coffee or going for a walk. You’ll be surprised at how many people are also looking for opportunities to connect at this time of year.
- Get to know your friends’ friends: Join them in their outings or just straight up ask your friend to introduce you! If you are comfortable with your friends, there’s a good chance you will be comfortable with their friends too.
3. Where to make new friends
Now that you’ve warmed yourself up with people you know, it’s time to face the greater challenge: making new friends, without the built-in environment of school or uni. The key is joining people with shared interests in a shared activity, like…
- Joining meetups and communities: Search for groups that share similar experiences and have a similar interest as you and are interested in the same things as you. Even general meet-ups with no activity in mind other than socialising is a great place to start, as everyone has the same goal – meeting new people! It’s best to go solo, to force yourself to approach new people rather than relying on your plus one. If you’re in Melbourne or Sydney, the Millennial Crisis group meetups are Zee Feed approved!
- Attend workshops or courses: If you never know what to do with your hands, a workshop is the perfect place to meet people. It keeps your hands busy, and the focus of the course or workshop is an automatic conversation starter so there is always something to talk about. Pottery classes are having a moment right now, but the options are really endless – pasta-making supper clubs, writing workshops, brewing courses, woodworking…
- Volunteer: Meet compassionate people, and do a little bit of good in the world – it’s a win-win! Volunteering can expand your network and deepen your ties to your local community, an important component of happiness and life satisfaction. Participate in a cleanup at a local beach, park or bushlands; join a climate action group to help with campaigning activities; reach out to your local library, community centre, or council to see how you can get involved.
4. Maximise in-between time
The in-between time is the space between the big moments – the ‘waiting’ time before and after an event, a Zoom meeting, or the Uber arrives. It’s in these moments we can make seemingly insignificant choices that have the potential to strengthen even the freshest friendship. If you’re waiting for an Uber alongside someone you’ve just met, ask to exchange social accounts or phone numbers (whichever is most appropriate). Don’t forget the follow up comment, DM, email or text message to cement that first impression. If you’re waiting with someone you already know, be sure to…
5. Go past the small talk
Time is fleeting and life can change in a second, so make the precious time you spend with friends and acquaintances memorable. Even if really has been ‘crazy weather we’re having’, it’s usually not a conversation that makes you feel truly connected to your friends.
Instead of defaulting to safe, small talk topics, learn to ask better questions. These don’t have to be particularly deep or meaningful – questions as simple as “What was the high and the low of your week?” can open up the conversation quickly.
Questions asked with genuine curiosity, and showing that you really care about their answer, is what differentiates ‘someone you know’ from a true friend. That, and sharing your own experiences too – no one wants to feel interrogated or like they’re being interviewed. For dinner parties or casual hangs, conversation cards can be a fun way to ask questions you normally wouldn’t – may we humbly suggest the Zee Feed Better Conversation Cards? We’ve carefully curated 100 questions that never fail to spark fascinating conversations amongst our friends.
If you’ve been pals for a really long time and want to shake things up, try something new. You could do an activity together, like a taking a class or doing an escape room. When friends share novel experiences, your sense of self expands to include them and a connection is formed.
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